It's embarrassing how long of a gap has gone between my last post and this one. The pressure to keep up a blog can be heavy... especially for a person like myself: perfectionist, type-A, consistent and slightly concerned about what others think. At the end of the day, I know I should blog... talk about life... keep in touch... post beautiful photos of my beautiful child and family and share our life with the people who love us.
But when you're depressed, all priorities change.*
Yes. I've been depressed. Some days it's "feeling low" and other days it's "just me getting out of bed is an accomplishment" kind of day. Thankfully, I've been able to maintain the status quo and shower and get my kid to school and make meals and keep the house tidy... but at the heart of things, I've felt empty, low, sad, bored and just unhappy.
This is a really hard way to live life, and it's not really working out. I think I've come to terms with that. Living day to day and recognizing things are not getting better.
I guess this isn't so much of a confession as it is a plea for support, love, and understanding. I know I'm not the only person who felt deep sadness in this helluva winter we had (because good Lord, Indiana!) and I know there are reasons I feel low (isolation, loneliness, homesickness...). But sometimes knowing why still doesn't do the trick. Snapping out of it just isn't the answer.
I'm on the track toward better days and I really hope I can use this blog as a way to be honest about life for myself and my family. Because, there have been SO MANY GOOD THINGS going on! I don't want my inability to process my feelings to get in the way of sharing good things.
Here's to being honest. And here's to reaching out.
*If you're feeling depressed, please seek help. Whether it's with a friend, a pastor or a counselor... please find someone to talk to. It will make a HUGE difference. If you're having feelings that include hurting yourself or taking your own life, please call this number immediately: 1-800-273-8255
Oh Beth! I'm sorry you are going through a rough time right now.... I've been having a hard time with life as well and then feeling awful that I'm having such a hard time when I've been so blessed. It's a rock and a hard place.
ReplyDeleteLet's hope Spring comes soon and we can move to better feelings.
Kay... isn't it a tough thing... because I TOO have SO MUCH to be thankful for. Thank you for your encouragement.
DeleteLove you friend. You are NOT alone, and I am confident that by sharing our stories of dark days we encourage others and help move ourselves towards healing. Thank you for being so vulnerable and praying you are back to yourself SOON! Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteOh Beth. I know. I have had my seasons too. I am so encouraged how open and raw you are about your struggles with depression. Our society and Christian culture is so misinformed and unaware. Not everyone can pray depression away or just choose to "snap out of it". Some seasons last a really long time and come and go and most likey return. I love you. And if you were near I would try to help by coming over and giving you a break so you could stay in bed or we would watch some questionable reality tv, smoke a cigarette and buy a bunch of scratch its. Sometimes you just have to give into silly ridiculousness.
ReplyDeleteKerry... you know me TOO well! I'm laughing out loud right now. I miss you.
DeleteOh Beth, I love you so much and I so want you all the best for you! I am so sorry that the days have been hard, you are so missed and so loved, and you are an amazing, beautiful person. I just prayed for you, for peace and strength and joy and to know how precious and loved you are. I miss you...
ReplyDeleteJulia... what an encouragement you are. Your text the other day was just the thoughtful thing I needed. You're intuition seems to be one of the amazing things about YOU! I miss you too.
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