Blogging Is A Mindful Task

I was hanging with a few of my Homeschool Mom friends yesterday and we found ourselves talking about blogging. Sheepishly, I mentioned that I've had a blog for nearly ten years and recently I've begun to seriously ignore it. I couldn't give the ladies a real reason why I haven't been blogging, other than busyness or just a general lack of attention.

If I was being really honest, though, I would have recognized that there have been moments when I've mentally stopped and thought, "I should write about this" and willfully decided not to. I made the choice to not write (all my writer friends: you can stop judging me now). 

I realized, I often don't blog because it is just one more thing. Blogging has been a very rewarding part of my inner-life as well as my social life, but over the course of the past year it has become just one more thing among the dishes, the laundry, the errands, the appointments, the lessons, the busyness, the chatter, the movement, the explanations, the lessons, the stress, the mundane and everything else. It became another task.

How did I let this rewarding, fulfilling thing become just another task!?

As a stay-at-home-school mother, I find my focus to never be... focused. I rarely have the time to just lean into something for more than a half hour. I wear many hats (as the saying goes) and rarely have time to myself. When I do have that time to myself, I choose activities like sitting, staring, sleeping, and basically anything that requires little brain energy. I choose rest.

The irony is this type of rest is yes, rest; but not the type of rest that refills my tank. Existing is not enough. This type relaxation is important, but I rarely feel energized after staring (I'm chuckling to myself right now, because staring IS a REAL thing you guys!) or just sitting. What brings energy to my soul is recognizing that I'm alive, and giving back, and serving, and growing, and becoming, and nurturing. 

I recognize in myself that blogging creates a sense of presence in my own life; I am aware and cognizant of the moment in which I am giving of myself. I am present. It is very easy (and sometimes necessary) to get through the days and manage the week as best as possible without putting too much thought and effort in, but who wants to just "get through" their life? I want to live and remember and thrive. Blogging has been, and should continue to be, a very rewarding contribution I make to my own life and the lives of those I care about.

I'd say that I should probably do more reflecting, and recognize the things I deeply value, beyond blogging. Motherhood can feel arduous and monotonous, but it doesn't have to feel like endless weeks of "just getting through." Being aware and clear-headed and mindful helps the ongoing moments feel like treasures I store up in my heart for always. And maybe, while I'm doing dishes, laundry or all the things, my mind is present and I truly feel, hear and understand the joy of the life I'm living now. 

This Morning Is Different

It's a fresh morning, here in Muncie. There is something wonderful about getting up early, and today my morning brings thunder, wind, and rain. As I sit here at our kitchen table, I can see our freshly cut lawn, Lucas' adorable tree swing and the leaves blowing the wind. It's as if the bright summer sun took a break and allowed the clouds to roll in... giving all of us a small reprieve from the normal morning bustle.

These are moments I am thankful for. Often in motherhood, it can feel as if I'm on a carousel. We go round and round with days that are fairly similar in fashion. After too many roundabouts, I start to feel anxious, jittery and uneasy. I begin to hear my inner thoughts saying things like "this is not fulfilling" or "I'm bored, and that means this job I'm doing is not important."

What!? I know... negative self-talk. Just stop it, right? Right.

This morning is different and it's confirmation in my heart that even nature needs a break from the mundane. That beautiful summer weather was getting real mundane (listen to me!...I can't believe what I'm saying). And it's true; no matter how beautiful my life is, I need a break sometimes. I listen to the negative, focus on my inadequacies, and somehow convince myself that things should look different.

Sure, sure, sure... we all need breaks. I can say it, and even believe myself when I say it, but when the hubs tells me to "take a break," I immediately feel guilt and all the feelings that hang out with guilt. That darn guilt! Where does it come from!? Why should I feel anything negative when I am refilling my emotional tank? Sigh...

As I grow through this motherhood gig, I've learned to push those thoughts out. Ignore them. Deny them. And then, find truth! Finding time and space in my day to fill myself with truth, goodness, energy, and life is the ONE thing I SHOULD do. Meeting with The Creator, taking a nap, stopping to write blessings, eating a popsicle WHILE sitting down, calling my sister... these are all things that fill my heart, and enable me to feel joy and continue the journey of motherhood, wife, woman, sister.... you get the idea.

Loving these two... it's my favorite thing to do.

The routine must continue, because I've committed my life to serving in love (and I'm grateful for the
opportunity), but thank God for the small (or big) moments that cause us to stop and refill ourselves with goodness. I hope this post encourages someone to stop in their day today and fill their tank a little bit; to feel the rain on their face, watch their favorite episode of Arrested Development, thank God for a few blessings, order the sweetened coffee instead of the black, eat another bowl of berries, go ahead and take that nap, call a longtime friend, go for a jog, do some crafting (and make a mess!), sing your favorite songs, read an extra chapter in your book, or kiss your spouse a little longer when they come home.

Without the little blessings, the carousel continues and we grow weak; we believe the lie that we're not enough. We miss The Creator's moments to bless and enrich our hearts, and then, we never see the blessings to praise him for; the sweet, tender moments in which we know we are deeply loved.

"Jesus fill me. The Holy Spirit is our Steady Comforter and our Ready Reminder." 
Lysa TerKeurst, Am I Messing Up My Kids