Anxiety and Drunk Packing

Anxious feelings are right under the surface these days. Officially, we'll be on our way to Winona Shakespeare Fest in exactly a month. This feels very sudden and I find myself feeling like I have to have everything packed and prepared now... like tonight.

I recognize how silly this sounds, but for a person like me moving across state lines doesn't mean dumping everything in your car and "going for it". It means, carefully organizing and cleaning and putting things away. Then packing.

To be honest, it's all about control. Or at least the allusion of control.

See friends, we are headed to Winona, Minnesota for the month of June. Then Portland for July... then back to Salt Lake beginning of August. After all this lovely driving, we'll put all our prepacked boxes into a moving van and head to Indiana.

So yea... coordinating, organizing and having some sense of stability is a little bit important here.

So, this afternoon Lucas and I will go to Home Depot to buy boxes and supplies, grab dinner and come home to pack a bunch of stuff. There really is a system... maybe I'll share with guys sometime soon. My secrets... there are no secrets.

But seriously, being in control of your environment is a start. And then being a freak about organization and packing efficiently is key.

And tonight, I'll just rid myself of some of this anxiety by drunk packing*! Don't judge, people. It's a flawless system.


*Drunk Packing: Getting drunk on wine while preparing for a move. Individual is less apt to dwell on meaningless details and refer to efficient throwing of items into boxes, thus packing quickly. For more efficient packing see "Night Before Packing".

When You Act This Way, You Get Nothing

Five minutes ago I endured an epic meltdown with my three and a half year old. It was unnerving, awkward and frankly, really inconvenient. To boot, it's not the first "meltdown" today. This habit of "freaking out" has become routine the past two weeks and, it's killing me.

Truth be told, I recognize this as normal. Three year olds are like baby teenagers. They're not babies, but not kids... they're in between. The ability to understand emotion is there, but they cannot control those emotions. Not unlike a teenager, this three year old goes from calm and fun to psychotic, the-world-is-ending, emotional wreck. Choices cannot be made without irrational desires (i.e. I want to make a choice, but really I want both!) and the ability to fully verbalize one's thoughts is still lacking.

I believe this leaves both of us tired.

I can see the meltdown coming... typically if there is a disagreement regarding activity or limitations. I can also typically identify why we're having a meltdown...off-routine, tiredness, insecurity, not enough attention...the list can vary, but normally, there is a good reason why we're headed in this direction.

I can do my best to divert or distract, but the value of "seeing it through" is really important. So I gird up my loins, put on my "I'm-tough-but-calm" face and I stick to my guns (even though I'm shrinking inside, because hey, I've got my own issues!).

Normally the child would cry and admit defeat. But not lately. He's ready to fight.

It takes a good twenty minutes, typically involves a spank (ugh...break my heart) and reminders that once child has decided to act this way, all choices are up to Mom. I reward nothing. He is taken away from all fun activities and I repeat this phrase every time:

"When you act this way, you get nothing."

I insist he lay in his bed (or sit in a quiet place when we're not at home) for ten minutes (I point to the clock and give him a time when he can get out of bed), or until he is calm. Ironically, he usually falls asleep. This is good, because most of the time these meltdowns happen when kiddo is tired (coicidence!? I think not!).

The part that kills me? After waking, he always says: "I'm sorry for my behavior Mom. I was being SO naughty...". Slays me. And then I wonder, "Am I doing this right!?" Ugh...

We talk and snuggle and I reward his cuteness with something I KNOW he'll love (typically a movie or a game together). Then I remind myself this will happen again... because you know, he's learning to be a human. And not just any human... a really awesome one!

Afternoon Break, Nightime Shenanigans

Bed time is... frustrating. I complain about it constantly... on Facebook, Twitter... and here I am blogging about it. Bed time for Lucas, that is. I happen to LOVE bed time.

Yes... I know. We're in a developmental stage... a stage of resisting sleep at night. It's too bad God doesn't dole out more patience during these "developmental stages". I could go for a bucket full.

So... I thought (in all my maternal wisdom...ahem) that maybe nap time was hindering Lucas' ability to knock off at night. You know... maybe he's one of those people who "just can't take a nap, or I'll be up all night" people.

Let me just tell you this... the child LOVES his naps. He asks for them. And sleeps for two hours solid. He loves the nap. He does not love the bedtime.

Well, I figure let's cut nap time. And he'll be SO tired he'll HAVE to fall asleep.

I was wrong. Last night... he was awake till ten (he goes to bed at eight). I figured he'd be exhausted... and I'm sure he was. But that didn't stop all the shenanigans.

And today... this is what happened.

I made the mistake of putting on a movie and he fell asleep from one blink to the next. I didn't even have time to stop him.

And now I don't have the heart to wake him. He's been asleep on the couch for an hour and a half.

Nap time clearly, will not be cut. Guess we're gonna have to deal with this so called developmental stage... and push through.

At least I still get my afternoon break! Win.

The Right Thing...Car Version

We're going into week three of car troubles...and it's exhausting.

It's been two weeks of decisions, inquiries, borrowing, praying, more decisions and attempts at predicting the future.

Do we repair the car? Do we buy a new one? Do we buy a used car? Do we finance a car? What to do!?

As of right now... it's going to be a few more weeks and a few more bike rides, a few more walks and a lot more days spent at home.

That's okay, because it means we're doing the right thing. The hard thing... yes. But it's the right thing.

Proof Of The Amazing

After my post about Lucas' behavioral/toddler/preschooler issues... and by issues I mean, completely normal child who happens to have the personality of his mother plus a little devil inside... I thought it'd be nice to share a few things we're dealing with here. Maybe some of you can relate. Some of you can scoff and others of you can be thankful you have a passive, darling, cherubim of a child.

Here goes.

Disclaimer: Most of these things end in some form of consequence... so don't judge me as a mother, you hear! 

• Lucas will turn anything into a gun. Paper towel roll, vacuum hose, Legos, his hand, foot... you name it. Then... that gun is pointed at my face when he's not happy with MY behavior. 
• Lucas will turn anything into a laser. See above.
• Lucas will run and head-butt various parts of my body. In particular, he enjoys ramming my pelvis which typically results in pain and watery eyes... then rage.
• Lucas will crumble whatever he's eating up into tiny pieces... and then ask for more, because he's still hungry.
• Lucas refused to eat his food... then ask for more, because he's hungry.
• Lucas will pause the movie we're watching... then get mad because he wants to finish it.
• Lucas will destroy train tracks we've just laid... then demand I put them back... and then destroy them again. 
• Lucas will go to the potty on his own... unless I'm within five feet of the bathroom... then he "needs help"
• Lucas will pee his pants if I do not help him with above problem.
• Lucas has been known to put his finger in his own booty... then disclaim that "it's stinky!"
• Lucas will pick a boogie, demand someone get him a tissue and when tissue arrives, the boogie is gone... lost in the carpet.
• Lucas demands we video chat with loved ones... once the chat is set up, he leaves after about thirty seconds.
• Lucas will threaten to put me in the naughty chair.
• Lucas will demand full attention while I am on the phone... even though he was completely ignoring me five minutes before that.
• Lucas will dismantle anything... including expensive equipment.
• Lucas has inserted magnets and other random objects into the DVD slot on our iMac.
• Lucas enjoys going into the bathroom and waving his hand in front of the auto soap dispenser... and dispensing a lot of soap.
• While on the toilet, Lucas will pull a long line of toilet paper and jam it between his legs into the toilet...without ever wiping anything off.
• Lucas has threatened to "punch me in the face"
• Lucas repeatedly chases the cat (and dog) with toys that have wheels.
• Lucas then asks: "Kitty mad?"
• Lucas will sneak lotion onto his hand, and then wipe it in my hair.
• Lucas resists a shower... then resists getting out of the shower.
• Lucas will ask for a snuggle... then ask to be tickled... then jump down and run away screaming. I love this!

 So there are some wonderful moments we've shared in the past few weeks. This is just a snippet and yes, I realize how negative this appears... but really it's amusing. And... I only hope to be able to reference this particular post when my child is an adult and I have proof of how amazing of a child he was!

Spit And Vinegar

It's important to stay positive... for multiple reasons. My main reason for attempting to focus on the positive... even when things are dubious... is to trick myself. It's not that bad, right?

But here I am... admitting that things are really, really hard. Things with the child, that is. As many of you know, Lucas has been and continues to be a child who is independent, silly and irrationally headstrong. I believe my parents called me "willful AND strong willed"... which would define Lucas to a tee, except he's the boy version of that. And that my friends, is a whole 'nother game.

I had no illusions that year three would be any easier than year two... because frankly we're taking less naps, talking more and a larger child... and all three of those things combined can lead to a lot of ugly. But... I kinda thought we'd be dealing with more rational thinking and reasonable thought process. Clearly I was wrong.

It ebbs and flows... some days are only kinda challenging... others are beyond my wildest imagination. I believe this is God's way of giving us little breathers... so we can cool down only long enough to gain strength to get back in the game.

Here's the thing. I love Lucas... so... much. Which is why I think this is such a painful time for me (I imagine adolescence being even more difficult emotionally). I discipline and do the hard work with the child because I love him and want him to be a functional, joy-filled person. But that discipline can be wearing. At times I question how or when we discipline, but at the end of the day I can't imagine our wild child without boundaries. He'd for sure be a wild boy and eventually, a wild man! We can't have that.

It's one of those things that no one can fix for you... it won't go away... we just have to push through and by the grace of God get through it... and be better for it. It's hard and it's rough and it's real... and I may be grayer, wrinklier and more beat down than ever... but these years will also bring bonding, growth and depth (here's hoping) in all of us.

So... I've got that off my chest. I don't want anyone to have any illusions that Lucas is this dream-child who is... um... so dreamy. He's a sweetheart, but is full of spit and vinegar! It's important to stay honest (I really appreciate moms who share the crazy that goes on in their house), but at the same time, it's important to stay positive. Otherwise, things are gonna get ugly 'round here!

Resigned Creativity

This is me and my face. My face is resigned and non-verbally saying: "Not cool, dude. Not cool at all."

When lame things happen in our house they typically take place literally 10 minutes before bedtime. I'm not sure why... but it's the truth. And tonight... while doing dishes my creative and inspired son decided to do a little decorating.

Not just any decorating... decorating with a permanent marker... on our TV! "NOOOOO... NOT THE TV!" I could hear myself shouting before he threw the evidence across the room and burst into tears. Yes, he knew he was being naught and, yes... I yelled at my child. So judge me. *

So yea. Somehow Lucas got his sticky, chubby little grubs on a thick, black Sharpie marker. And by somehow I mean, I forgetfully left it sitting on the edge of the desk after drawing mustaches on the all animals in the zoo pamphlet. Yes... I always use my time wisely and yes, today was just one of those days. Again... go ahead and judge me.

Anywho... here's what I walked in on. Feast your eyes on this!

Oh yea... and the first things that came to mind were:
1) Matt's gonna be so mad at me
2) How in the World am I gonna get that off!? Ugh.

And then there's the child. It's in his ear canal, his nostrils and on his tongue I don't imagine Sharpie tastes all that great. Oh the creativity!

After some scrubbing and a few chipped nails, here's what were workin' with now. Just a little residual on the console and even though it's hard to see... there is some on tv plastic too. I can't figure out how to remove it. Ideas?

* I am not proud of the fact that I raised my voice at my child and wish I had better self-control. That being said, I will not omit very honest facts regarding child-rearing... raising of the voice happens.