Monday, September 27, 2010

Be Content

It's small stuff that reminds me how grateful I should be. Key words: should, be. Why is it that I'm always seeking more? Why do I feel compelled to do more, be more, have more and see more? That word, more.

I bring this up because this weekend provided many reminders for me to check myself. Those reminders often cause me to stop for a moment and think about my life, my behavior and my thoughts. And typically within minutes, I go back to my life, my normal behavior and my typical thoughts. But this weekend provided two specific moments that changed my heart... hopefully forever.

The first was a small accident. Lucas fell off the front porch Friday evening and thankfully, it was a minor accident. Just a small head wound and lots of sadness on all sides. But for the first time, I envisioned our lives being forever changed by the harm or loss of our child. I cried all night out of guilt, hurt, and fear. The heaviness in my heart was a weight I had never experienced in such a way. Lucas appeared normal within minutes but we were concerned about a potential concussion, so we stayed up all night with him... constantly checking his breathing, moving him to make sure he woke up. He's fine. But I'm not sure I am.

Secondly, a friend from high school recently contacted me via Facebook and I learned that her hubby has cancer. It shook me up, somethin' fierce. This friend of mine has a kind heart, loves the Lord and seems to want nothing more than to have a family who is healthy and happy. It breaks my heart to know that painful things happen to kindhearted and loving people.

Who am I to want for more? Why am I so ungrateful? I should be ashamed of myself. I have a healthy, happy baby boy and prior to his accident, I think I took that for granted. I have a husband who loves me...really loves me and I argue with him about the dumbest stuff. I have friends who love me. I can worship the Lord anytime I want...without punishment.

I believe it's time for me to remember all I have to be thankful for. Every day. And to be content with the riches God has already bestowed on me. Be content. And pray for those who really need more.

2 comments:

  1. I hear you, and I know the pain of seeing your baby hurt. A couple weeks ago Liam did a face plant off the bed. It was totally my fault too. After his bath I wrapped him in a towel and put him on the bed. I needed a diaper from across the room, and instead of taking him with me, I left him on the bed. I figured he wouldn't get out of the blanket and crawl off the bed in that time. Sadly, I was wrong. I love Liam, and hate seeing someone I love and so inocent hurt.

    I have a problem with always wanting more, and wanting it right now. I often have to reminded myself how blessed I am. I really do love my life, but sometimes I lose track of that.

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  2. Oh, Beth! I'm sorry you had to experience this, but I hope you know we all encounter it at some point. For me, it was when Henry fell down all 17 stairs onto the hardwood floor when he was 18 months old. It definitely shapes your perspective quickly! You are a GREAT mom and the simple fact that you are even questioning yourself shows your character.

    PS I love Lucas' chompers pic!

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