Friday, March 21, 2014

Life Within

As all family situations would be, when one person is struggling... everyone struggles. Especially the kiddos. Children are flawless examples of the ripple effect. Their seemingly "normal" behaviors can be examples of hurt, loneliness, misunderstanding, and basic internalization of emotion. Children have a narcissistic view of the world, therefore believing everything is about them... including their parent's feelings.

As I have been navigating all my feelings and emotions this Winter, I can't help but be sensitive and aware of Lucas' heart. This boy feels hard and deep! I love him for it... but also find myself nervous that somewhere I'm failing. Don't we all feel this way!? Help! Someone tell me how to raise this child... someone!

Sigh....

On the flip side, there is SO MUCH to be thankful for in this child of ours. He is beautiful. Seriously you guys... we have a beautiful child, inside and out! He's handsome with his big brown eyes, smooth skin and thick dishwater-colored hair. So handsome, that one.
His heart... where do I start?!... it's big, open, sensitive and intuitive. Lucas' heart is full of wild wonder; constantly seeking answers and approval. This child... he wants to be a part of all things big and wonderful. He wants to be seen and understood. I don't think this desire will change within him. He will always fight to be understood.

Lucas is full of life! He runs and jumps and hurdles and rolls with all his might. He finds sticks, rocks, bugs, dirt, mud and water... and will be fully engrossed for all of time, if allowed. He loves critters and just wants to play! Lucas has a light behind those big brown eyes... it's full of smiles, laughter, loud talking, belching... that light is life!

I love these things and more in our son. He is truly special to us... like no other boy I've known. He's uniquely made.

So often we don't talk about parenting while in the midst of depression or emotional lows. How does a parent care for a beautifully full child, when they themselves feel as if their tank is empty? Often I feel this way... and I have no advice. These are moments when I turn to prayer, devotion toward something that fills me (poetry or scripture), and a form of physical activity that leaves me feeling rejuvenated. Also, counseling. Parenting without solid, safe advice seems impossible. I couldn't do it.

Being aware of our own feelings allows us to be intuitive to our children's feelings. When we see our kids' hearts, we see them for what they need and who they are... at the core. I see my child's beauty, light, and life within!



I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. - Psalm 139:14






2 comments:

  1. That was beautiful Beth....just plain beautiful. Your son is so blessed to have you as his mother. You see the immense promise and potential in him perhaps when others may find his wonderment and zest for life a challenge. ( Jackson is the EXACT same way) We as mama's with littles are in a season of life where the daily grind seems daunting and it's hard to peek our heads out the trenches to see the light. Some days it is a struggle to put on something besides pajama pants or even glance at yourself in the mirror...do know that you are not alone in these feelings. There are mama's out there (i.e. me) who are finding comfort in your honesty and ability to share your feelings. THANK YOU Beth! You are an incredible person.

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  2. Elisabeth... you're sweet to be so encouraging. It IS tough to be a parent... but keeping our eyes on the beauty within our children makes is SO much easier. You are also blessed with a couple sweeties.

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