When I think about "who I am" and "where I'm at" in my life right now, I find myself going deep. Like, deep into my soul, mind... heart... deep within. It feels like I'm in a pool of fresh, clear water... and I'm looking up and I see the heart of a young woman I once knew.
This is what happens when you close in on midlife... just so you know.
That young woman is me, of course. But she's the old version of me... the younger version. She is the vivacious, know-it-all, goodie two-shoes, who seriously thought she knew a thing or two about life. That young woman had plans, and ideals, and expectations.
See, that's the thing about this part of life I'm in. I am now fully aware of how little I knew then, and how little I know now.
Is it being in my thirties that has something to do with it? Is it because I've moved a lot? Is it because I've heard stories and loved others who have walked different paths than me? Is it because I've given birth? Does my faith in a higher power play a part?
Yes. All those things... and more.
I'm at a point where it's become very clear to me that life isn't about having answers, but consistently seeking truth. I don't believe truth is about black and white answers; it's about story, and redemption through relationship, and love, and seeing the world as a big place full of big hearts who really all just want the same thing: Love, security, food... salvation from the hurt and anguish. Isn't that what we all want?
We never really find answers; we never "make it." It's the seeking, the journey that brings us real truth.
As I form opinions, and get all riled up, and find myself prepping to blog big words about my opinions on the world... I frequently find myself realizing that these viewpoints of mine can change and no longer hold truth for me; as my naive opinions in my twenties don't now. I do not see the world and all the people in it with the same eyes, nor will I see it with the same eyes a decade from now.
We are living in a rich time of debate, social media, politics, human-rights activity, gender awareness, educational reform, healthcare reform... the list goes on. The one thing I realize is that no opinion, vantage point, or truth will ever be one size fits all. Once a person forms an opinion, states it out loud and turns their back on all other truth, they themselves will turn their backs on those whose story does not fit into the "truth" of that opinion.
Is this all making sense?
I find myself hesitant to engage in opinion wars online. I hold back from writing, explaining and ranting about what I think truth is on my blog. As life has taught me, I will state said opinion, and meet someone with a heartbreaking story and that truth of mine is forever shattered into an untruth. If there is any truth to behold, it is that we are never the same when we are seeking honest, living, truth through the eyes of others who live alongside us.
So... I guess that's my opinion on the matter.