Play with me!

Lucas really enjoys being on the floor where he can roll around, chew on stuff and stare at the ceiling fan. He enjoys it even more when we get down there with him. Our little guy is growing like a sprout and as you can see above, I'm enjoying almost every moment of it!

The Key To Your Child's Heart

I've just finished a book Matt's mother gave me. The Key To Your Child's Heart, written by Gary Smalley, has been enjoyable, and a learning experience for me. I suppose it put into words many of the thoughts and feelings I've had regarding child-rearing and being a parent. In this post I will highlight one lesson I agreed with and one I felt was a bit out of touch or too old fashioned. Gary Smalley opens the book by describing how the spirit of a person is open until something or someone has caused it to close. As parents, it is our responsibility to help keep the spirit of our child open. An open spirit allows a person to learn about themselves, love others and embrace their path in life as an able-minded human being. Gary Smalley describes many ways we can close the spirit of our child and never get it open again. As parents, it's inevitable that we have moments where we cause the spirit of our child to close, but in those moments we must do our best to regain the confidence of that spirit and encourage it to open again. After reading this, I realize how I myself have had parts of my spirit closed by others or circumstance. As a parent, I must overcome the hurt, rejection and pain I have experienced in life so that I can have a fully open spirit for my child. My child must learn to forgive and move forward as I should also. Gary Smalley also speaks of breaking the will of the child. Although I understand that he means well, it frightens to me to think of being too hard on my child or diminishing the personality God gave him. If the Lord gave Lucas a strong-will, I don't want to break it... I want to foster it and teach him to focus that energy into something positive. As a means of breaking the will, Gary Smalley speaks of spanking, until the child has given in or resigned himself. I find this slightly disturbing. I believe my emotional response is due to my own upbringing and overall sensitive nature. This book has encouraged reflection and discussion amongst Matt & I, which is the ultimate goal. We want to be parents who encourage Lucas to love the Lord and love himself. If both of these goals are met, I will feel like I've done my job.

Righteousness & Beauty

As I venture into my third month as a mother, I continually become more self-aware and cognizant of who I am as an individual. I am growing increasingly more aware of where I fall short and where I am strong. If you know me at all, you would agree that I spend a lot of time evaluating myself. This can manifest itself in both negative and positive attributes, allowing me to better understand where I need development. From a very early point in our marriage, both Matt & I could appreciate the value in having at least one parent at home with our children. With that in mind, we decided that I would be that parent. It may seem like an obvious decision, but for both of us it was anything but that. Matt & I can appreciate the attributes both of us bring into our home and family. Neither of us is more equipped than the other to parent and love our children. With that being said, our decision was based on the fact that Matt's career is intended to be at a higher salary point. Matt went through three rigorous years of Graduate school and achieved a terminal degree, which would be null if he took time off to raise a family. My career is flexible and allows for me to jump back in whenever we feel necessary. So here I am. At home with a baby. And I am not sure what to do with myself. The first couple of months are incredibly fast-paced and leave no time for self evaluation. I felt as though I was stumbling through each day... dirty, wrecked and full of emotion. Now that the dust is settling and Lucas is entering into a time of self-entertainment, naps and schedule I am blessed with the ability to think about who I am as a mother. This is not a question I can easily answer. In fact, this question causes great fear and trepidation in my heart, because I do not have the slightest clue who I am supposed to be in this time of my life. Unlike some girls, I never imagined myself as the best mother ever! In fact, I was never convinced I was supposed to be a mother. I often feel guilty for bring a child into this World and wonder what type of issues or hang-ups he is going to have as a result of being brought up by his father and I. I don't have the "once I'm a mother everything will be as it should be" feelings, because my child does not fill a gap for me. I felt whole before having Lucas. If anything, having him has thrown everything off and created havoc within myself. So, my heart is out on the table in honesty and vulnerability. It's hard to admit that things are challenging in a way I may have never imagined. I don't mind the sleep deprivation or the being at the constant beck and call of another human being. What I find hardest is the fact that I feel I am losing myself in this humdrum life of motherhood. I fear boredom and a lack of contribution to society. I fear being just another woman in the World who has given nothing back for all the good gifts I've been given. As you can see I am in need of guidance. I ask for nothing from you, except prayer. A simple prayer that God would reveal himself to me and develop me into the woman, wife and mother he intends me to be. That this would indeed be a time of development and growth and I would find true purpose in motherhood. I want nothing more than to use my gifts and abilities in motherhood to bless my child and those around me. Please pray that the Lord would develop me into a woman of righteousness and beauty.

103:13  As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on
those who fear him;

Three Months

Lucas is officially a three month old today! It seems daily he is developing and learning more about this big World we live in. Here are a few updates:

1. Lucas is rolling over (as you can see above). He currently rolls from belly to back.
2. He is talking and laughing now, which is delightful. He laughs when we tickle his belly or fly him in the air. I can already see our Little Man is going to like goofing around quite a bit.
3. Lucas appears to be moving into the teething stage... no teeth yet, but plenty of drool and chewing. Our Little Man will chew on just about anything. He chews on his toys, his blankie, his sleeve, my finger, my hair (yuck), his fingers,... I could go on.
4. Lucas is very strong and is standing on his legs now. He will pull himself up when he's sitting on our laps and lock his knees. He always gets a strong look of accomplishment on his face.

I am truly amazed at how fast these days go by. Granted, I feel like my days roll from one to the other without alteration or difference... but they do go by quickly. Lucas learns something new every day and is growing in our little boy so fast. We know we are going to miss parts of this when he is grown, so we cherish these moments in our hearts and keep them close for safe keeping.

Little Guy

It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything, so I figured I would put up my newest favorite photo of Lucas. This was taken in the morning, which is always Lucas' happiest time of day. He typically smiles with pleasant surprise when we pick him up out of the crib and then plays for the first hour or so. What a great way for us to start our day. Lucas is 11 weeks here.

Love 'em!

What cuties these two are!! Lucas really enjoys the Bejorn, due to his very serious need to see what is going on around him. He MUST be facing forward, otherwise his opinion will be known! Needless to say, the Bejorn allows us to keep him close without having to "hold" him. As you can see, Lucas and Matt are happy!

Brookie turns two!

Our beautiful girl, Brooklynn, turned two on Monday. It's so cliche', but it seems like yesterday she entered this world in love. What a precious baby she is. She is extremely active and full of life... always bringing joy and love into our hearts. Matt and I feel so much love for our niece and would give anything to ensure her a healthy and happy life. We are blessed to be an active part of her life. Above: Fred & Chris gave Brooklynn a cell phone, and it was the one gift she kept coming back to. Above: Julie made adorable cupcakes and a cake... which tasted glorious! Above: Grandma Carol came down from Seattle to party!