Matt encouraged me to talk about a little recording project we're taking on, although "putting it out there" really makes me nervous. Yes, I have lots of experience working in vocals and such, but I find myself feeling especially insecure about my voice. My worst fear is appearing vain.
It seems silly, but I find that it is so attractive to me when a person can talk about their passion or gift without batting an eye. They discuss with others their abilities or opportunities that have come as a result of their gifts. I on other hand, find myself feeling especially insecure talking about my love of music and my constant desire to use my gift of vocals.
What if people think I'm a diva?
What if I really suck but no one has the nards to tell me to my face?
What if I appear to be egotistical or selfish?
These thoughts run through my mind and often shroud out my desire to be a part of something magical or meaningful. I am the last person to volunteer for opportunities so as to not communicate over-eagerness. I am constantly second-guessing my own heart.
This album we're working on is an effort for me to rewrite my vision of myself as a musician and to present my heart in a way that represents the Spirit of my gift. It is an opportunity for me to focus on the music without the watchful eye of others or the voice of those who don't understand that music isn't just about the performance, but more about the heart of those performing.