In the New Year I found myself swaying away from resolutions. I have my reasons, but not because they're bad...resolutions are a really healthy part of life. The idea of turning over new leaves and attempting a better self for a healthier and happier life is a beautiful thing. If you made a resolution (or five)... yay you!
I steered away from turning over leaves all at once and decided on one thing: that I would take the time necessary to identify the parts of my life that need change; slow change.
The beauty of slow change is the full experience of processing and identifying the need for change; removing the parts of myself that need sluffing off and adding back the goodness that fills me with healthy newness.
Does this make sense?
I envision the season of Fall... crusty leaves falling away from the trees and bushes. The ground swelling with frozen water in the Winter. Tracks of ice, pushing the rock and dirt away from itself, leaving a crunch of frozen earth. Then in Spring... the thaw. Warmth filling the soil, the water seeping in. Seedlings laying in the soft dirt; feeling the security of the soil fall all around. The gentle breeze pushes the soil over these seeds. And then.... weeks go by.... the seeds sprout and create beauty. The beauty fills the earth and all of creation sings as it enjoys the warmth and lush of Summer.
Through the month of January I did a lot of thinking, praying, quiet time, reading, solitude (less socializing) and attempts at healthy living. With the healthy living I find my mind is clear to process and sort. In January, I tried to find the parts that need sluffing off.
As we're now looking into February I'm still unsure where I'm suppose to find healing in my own life. I recognize discomfort within myself... which is surely the onset of awareness... and I find myself at a loss when it comes to comforting others. I feel insecure and yet, strong. I still have a lack of clarity, which is not where I envisioned I'd be.
Oh me... I'm such a planner. Maybe my plans aren't what's supposed to happen here....
At this time of year, I want more than ever to "hurl my iniquities into the sea" and be filled with the goodness of the Lord. Maybe throughout the month of February I'll truly identify the parts of myself that need to be "hurled".
You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. - Micah 7:19