Testing

Everything is a test. Bedtime, dinner...getting into the car. It's been a solid week of testing... and I find myself feeling impatient, hardheaded and the ultimate rule enforcer. The boundary setter. The one who says "no..." The one who draws the line.

It's painful, really.

Being a mother. Being a parent... and trying to be a good one. The key word is trying. Because every day I'm a failure.

And some days my child brings out the worst mother in me. He can't help it... it's how he was created to be. Strong, independent, intelligent... challenging.

This child will always challenge.

And I will always sigh... knowing that even as a preschool boy he was pushing the limits. Trying new things to attempt his own way. To attempt independence.

These are the days when I listen more intently,  read more meaningful things... do more yoga. These are the days when I feel helpless, inferior and absolutely incapable of doing this properly.

And then I'm reminded it's just a time of testing. For all of us: Father, mother and child. We're all trying our hardest and just as the waves feel too high, the tide will let up and the storm will pass.

And then...we can all breathe again. We can all enjoy each other. We can all remember that we love each other! And I can be fun, joyful and maybe let out those boundaries a little bit.

If I can just get through this time of testing before losing my mind.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. -James 1:2-4