That Sweet Boy

Ahhh... the challenges of parenting. They're fleeting and yet ongoing, it seems.  In the moment I tell myself, "this will pass, this will pass, this will pass." And yet, I feel the emotions rising within and my feelings taking over. In the moment, it doesn't feel like it's passing. It feels like day in and day out of tantrums, tempers, throwing, hitting....timeout and the daily swat to the hiney. The blood rises to my face and I feel the tears sting my eyes... no, I will not let my very young child see me cry. He's not ready for that. But oh.... I want to cry. I want someone else to be in charge.

Today was that day. A lack of sleep creating tension? Maybe. Or just the age. Probably a combination of both... but I'm worn out. I hit my breaking point when lunch was willfully dumped on the floor... as those young eyes looked straight at me. They looked at me with a certain determination, yet I still don't know why the beans ended up on the floor. I'll probably never know. What I do know is that I was so angry with the little one, I couldn't utter a word. I couldn't even say, "no no." I think he found that more upsetting than a warranted reaction. But I was tired and like I said, worn out.

Bedtime was early. Hubs came home early too... which is why he's wonderful. I'm sure he'll make up for tomorrow. But his love is evident and for that I'm grateful. In my worn out state, I will say prayers tonight and hope for a better tomorrow. But I won't hold my breath... because this is toddler time and when it's toddler time, there are no rules. I'll remind myself that this is a time that won't last forever and when he's eleven, I'll remember the sweet boy. Maybe. Or maybe I'll remember how much of a little rascal he was. Either way, I'm sure it'll be with a smile on my face.

Here's to trying again tomorrow.