Monday, April 15, 2013

Space And Light

Heart work is hard work but as a friend recently said: "Life has been feeling a lot less small." It seems, when we're caught up in the shroud of our own emotions and pain, life feels awfully narrow. And for now, those walls are expanding with joy, freedom and life.

I can't claim to have anything answered, figured out or resolved. I still consider myself a fragile person. In the midst of the search, though, I have come to the conclusion that the efforts made to find resolution are more than half the battle. The battle is what brings my purpose.

And what is my purpose, you ask? It seems vain or arrogant to assume I know my purpose... because really, we'll look back on this life and see it for what it really is... through the eyes of the Maker. And things will look drastically different than they seemed through our little people eyes.

But... if I were to follow a direction I'm being led in; to walk the steps that have been clearly laid before me, I would say my purpose is to change the future for myself, my children and their children. Not all of us feel this innate desire to change the destiny we're wired for, and yet, I find myself unable to accept the destiny that has been presented before me.

If I examine how I'm wired, it looks pretty dim; narrow and small.

It takes both humility and strength to figure out why I'm wired this way... to resolve the brokenness and pain I carry from those before me... and to lay it down before the Father as a sacrifice. In this sacrifice I'm willingly submitting myself to the purpose I'm meant for. The purpose the Father has intended.

To lay it down and leave it.

And then maybe...just maybe... I'll look back after this life is over and the Father's purpose for me will look familiar. It won't be as far of a stretch from what my little person's eyes saw while living here in this life. My children's children will have a better chance of not carrying the sin and darkness that has so lovingly been passed down and maybe, just maybe there will be more space and light in their lives.

1 comment:

  1. a) Your new blog look is SO pretty.

    b) I think a lot about sin and darkness being passed down, and the damaging patterns of generational darkness. I want so badly to lay down the ugliness of where I've come from and to protect my children from the fallout of it. I was just realizing that it was exactly a year ago that all that stuff with my mom blew up, so yeah, I think about this a lot. I need to hold on to the hope you've expressed here that I can change things.