Ironically, I don't have vast plans or aspirations for this upcoming year. I'm not looking forward yet... I'm still looking back with a deep sense of thankfulness.
This past year was full... full of pain, disappointment and revelation. It may have been the most pivotal year of my adult life, yet; creating depth, awareness and knowledge I wouldn't have acquired otherwise.
Our marriage was rocked to levels I never imagined and in that I realized just what kind of wife I was. Or better yet, what kind of wife I didn't want to be. This painful time in my most cherished relationship opened doors of honesty, vulnerability and beauty I never thought possible. What a gift to see a vibrant, exciting future with the only man I've ever loved.
My personal self was knocked deep at the heart when I recognized my own insecurities were preventing depth and honesty in my friendships. It seemed dumb and pointless to speak of internal maturity and confidence when I myself struggled with vanity, vulnerability and grace. I had to break myself of this trap and I'm still continuing to see what this looks like on a daily basis. It takes work to be authentic, real and honest with all of my friends.
My family had always been a facet of my life that I struggled to find balance with, but once I learned to let them be who they want to be, I no longer felt this impending need to "be different." It's like the shackles of swimming upstream had been released and I could finally join those I love without being defined by them. Seriously you guys, this is a beautiful thing. I may be unique and different than those I love, but that doesn't mean I have to stop sharing life with them. It's a freedom I haven't known till now. Freedom from judgement.
These are huge defining moments for me and they've all taken place in my 32nd year of life. I've yet any idea what lies ahead for me personally, but if it includes loving those I hold dear, learning more about this weird heart of mine and creating more space in my life for what really counts, I'm looking forward to my 33rd year.Wish me a happy birthday and say a prayer for this heart of mine. It's been worked over and I'm reaping the benefits of it from this day forward.
He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
Taken from Philippians 1:6
Happy birthday to you, Beth! I hope that it is an amazing day of celebration, and you are embarking on an amazing year of joy and healing and growth.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Beth. Many wonder-filled years to come. On your birthday we celebrate with you and love you with all our heats!
ReplyDeleteI love this post. I feel like I'm looking inside your own persona journal, and it makes me want to read more. I hope your 33rd year is fantabulous! When I turned 33, all I could think of was how I was as old as Jesus when he died. Not sure whether that is supposed to be encouraging or depressing. ;) I pray your 33rd year is full of blessings and pleasant surprises! Love ya.
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